The matter is quite simple. The bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. How would I ever get on in the world? Herein lies the real place of Christian scholarship. Christian scholarship is the Church’s prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close. Oh, priceless scholarship, what would we do without you?
--Soren Kierkegaard

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.
--Tom Robbins

There was a young lady named Bright,
Whose speed was far faster than light; 
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned home the previous night.
--Arthur Henry Reginald Buller

krashnburn: in case time rund backwards duhh
Eric Poggel: oh yeah.
Eric Poggel: i'm still thinking 3.5 dimensionally
--Eric Poggel

Eric Poggel: "Hey Jason, would you marry a girl with six fingers?"
Jason Campbell: Yeah! She could carry more grocery bags!
--Eric Poggel, Jason Campbell

Eric Poggel: he never listened to my sermons on proper cpu cooling, now he's regretting it.
John Henry:  yes ignoring sermons can lead to overheating
--Eric Poggel

Whoever holds the keys to programming ends up building the reality in which the rest of us live.
-- Douglas Rushkoff

Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.
--Robert Heinlein

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.
--Fred Allen

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
--Oscar Levant

An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.
--Henry Ford

Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.
--Putt's Law

There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
--W. Somerset Maugham

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
--Joseph Heller

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.
--Augusten Burroughs

Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
--Shari R. Barr

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
--Winston Churchill

Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.
--Lou Erickso

The fact that my 15 minutes of fame has extended a little longer than 15 minutes is somewhat surprising to me and completely baffling to my wife.
--Barack Obama

I don't oppose all wars. What I am opposed to is a dumb war. What I am opposed to is a rash war.
--Barack Obama

Americans... still believe in an America where anything's possible - they just don't think their leaders do.
--Barack Obama

You know what I am great at? Trivial Pursuit. What good is that gonna do you in life? It has the word 'trivial' in the name. The game is basically telling you that you pursue trivial things. Trivial -- as in not important. Trivial -- as in maybe you should've gone to grad school.
--Christian Finnegan

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count. Which one are you?
--

A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "That was awesome."
--

I'm single-handily trying to free the world of hunger, starting with myself.
--

Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.
--

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
--Sarah Jackson

Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards.
--Fred Hoyle

Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.
--Lee Simonson

I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
--J. D. Salinger

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
--Mark Twain

Vote early and vote often.
--Al Capone

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
--Jack Handey

I don't pay attention to polls.  I just look at lawn signs.  Get ready for President Remax!
--Stephen Colbert

To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself.
--Albert Einstein

It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.
--G. H. Hardy

To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last product of civilization, and at present very few people have reached this level.
--Bertrand Russell

What we need is for Google to develop an actual, physical spider that goes out and searches hard copies of documents for indexing.
--Anonymous

If man does find the solution for world peace it will be the most revolutionary reversal of his record we have ever known.
--George C. Marshall

I don't care what it is, when it has an LCD screen, it makes it better.
--Kevin Rose

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.
--Mitch Hedberg

My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even if you have no clue what you're doing.
--Jessica Alba

There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them.
--Emile Chartier

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
--Nancy Astor

Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever.
--Albert Einstein

Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.
--Herb Caen

A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.
--Ring Lardner

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
--Arthur C. Clarke

Since we cannot know all that there is to be known about anything, we ought to know a little about everything.
--Blaise Pascal

You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty.
--Cecil Baxter